Unit 3 TWENTYFIRST CENTUREY BUSINESS LANGUAGE
1 Seven deadly sins of today’s business writing 当今商务写作七宗罪 1.1 redundant expressions
Short sentences are clearer, easy to understand and to write. Long complicated sentences can be confusing.
A simple style of writing letters can be recommended. Kindly be advised…
I would like to bring to your attention… I am writing to advice you…
1.2 So many long-winded words 1.3 Colons Colons Colons Date： 29 November 2003 (Thursday) Date Thursday 29 November 2003 Time： 9.OOam to 5.OOpm Time 9.00 am to 5.00 pm Venue：Sheraton Towers Hotel Venue Sheraton Towers Hotel Where to use open punctuation? 1.4 Yesterday’s language Enclosed herewith please find our catalogue for your reference and perusal(细读、研读)… With reference to your above-mentioned order… （with reference to… ） Further to the telecon today. Don’t Do We refer to your letter of 21st October 2004 As spoken in our telecon today… Please revert to me soonest possible. Should you require any further clarification please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned. 2. Ten steps to brilliant business writing 商务写作致胜十大法则 The writing principle
The five Cs principles: ________ _________ _________ ________ ____________ KISS 原则： Keep it ________ and __________
Remember your ABC： A________________B____________ C_____________ 2.1 Write naturally and sincerely I have pleasuring in informing you… We do not anticipate any increase in prices. I should be grateful if you would be good enough to advise us… I would appreciate it if you could inform us of the exact delivery date/ Please favor us with a prompt reply. Please revert to us soonest. 2.2 Be courteous and considerate礼节周到 （case study P234） 2.3 Use appropriate tone使用恰当的语气 What is tone? TONE:
商业书信的语气 I am in receipt of your order for 250 pairs of Nike ‘Conga’ sports shoes. You failed to send your order to us before the new prices were introduced. We cannot devote much time to your visit as the March Sales figures are being compiled and we are very busy. 请比较下列句子： I have to meet you to discuss opening an office in Prague.
I am pleased to meet you to discuss opening an office in Prague. You obviously made a big mistake by sending us the wrong good. We regret to tell you that the goods are not the ones we ordered. You’d better send us the cheque. Will you please send us the cheque?
You should send us your catalogue in return, ok? Please send us your catalogue.
练习：1. 例句分析: 比较下面的句子。那一句更合适？
a We demand all staff to follow the company’s working hours.
Members of staff are required to follow the company’s working hours.
b The management ask the staff to overwork for two hours in the following two weeks.
The management would appreciate the cooperation of the staff to work for two extra hours in the following two weeks.
c You are not permitted to make private long-distance calls in the office.
It is our company policy that long-60 distance calls can be made only on business affairs in the office.
2.请使用正确的语言语气更改下列句子
a We can not lower our prices because of the increasing costs.
b Members of staff are not permitted to park their cars in front of the building. c We must cancel the meeting because a lot of staff have been ill. d We must lay off all assembly line workers right away. e Workers should not take their children to the offices. 2.4 use simple words and sentences 用短词而不是长词 或者复杂词 commence endeavor/attempt visualize regarding terminate dispatch purchase state assist utilize expedite sufficient require advice kindly 如果能用单词表达就不用短语 I should be glad if you would in spite of the fact that with regard to at the present moment in time conduct an investigation in view of the fact that in the event that in the very near future at a later date We would like to ask you to …due the fact that 删改无关紧要的成份(Remove unneeded facts) It should be noted that this is the best we can do。 2.5 Use modern terminology We are in receipt of your letter of 12 June. We have received your letter of 12 June. Enclosed herewith you will find… Please find enclosed… Please be good enough to advice me… Please be reminded… …the above mentioned goods Case study 练习 1. 请改写下列句子和信函以便更和善简洁 a. This is due to the fact that our costs have risen. b. I have pleasure in enclosing a cheque in your favour. c. I regret to advise you the fact that we will not be able to deliver the goods on time. d. I would be grateful if you could advise me of your prices. e. I am writing in connection with your telephone order of 16 January. f. We require furniture which is of new type.
g. As a matter of fact, the X-210 copier is not really the kind of machine the company needs, since the X-200 copier has the capacity of meeting all of our needs.
h. I am in receipt of your letter of recent data concerning our new projector. I wish to state that I am in a position of delivering the required batch at your earliest convenience. 练习 2 改写下列信函，使之更简练。 Subject: Billing Error, Invoice No A-230 Dear Sir I am writing this letter because we want to acknowledge your message dated April 10 concerning the above referenced billing error. Upon checking our records, we found that the invoice should indeed read as US $ 125.00 instead of US$225.00. We apologize for this oversight and attach herewith the correct invoice. Thank you in advance for your kind consideration we remain. If you need any more information please do not hesitate to contact us. Yours sincerely 2.6 Use active not passive voice用主动语态，不用被动语态 EG
a We misplaced the document during the quarterly audit. ----The document was misplaced during the quarterly audit. b George cashed the check. -----The check was cashed.
----We are pleased to lower the prices of our computers because of the decreasing costs. 被动语态 主动语态 ? 突出动作 ? 突出人的作用 ? 突出承受动作的主语 ? 强调名词（主语）动作者 ? 减轻负面因素的影响 （传递坏消息，淡化影? 生动 响，避免冲突） ? 人情味 ? 掩饰某事 以策略应对 （when tact is important） NB: 绝大部分高水准的商业书信都“混合”了主动和被动句式，令整篇富于变化。 Dear Mr Hughes Here is the price list you asked about. You will be happy to know that all of the items listed on page five will be marked down by 30% during the month of April. If you would like to take advantage of this special opportunity, please fill out／complete the enclosed order form and return to us by March 25． Thank you for writing. 练习1： 如何传递坏消息和好消息？ a increase prices---fall of dollar
b delay the delivery of the goods --- rise in sales c cut salaries by 10% --- fall in sales d increase all salaries --- rise in sales
e cancel the meeting --- a lot of staff have been ill 2．Can you replace the sentences with passive ones. Dear Ms Long Order 267 I am writing about the above order for office furniture. We regret to tell you we are unable to deliver the Linton filing cabinets on time. This is due to the problems at our supplier’s factory. Fortunately we expect to deliver them by the end of this month. With regard to the lamps and desks, we will deliver the goods before 13 March, as agreed. With apologies Yours sincerely S Basuki 2.7 avoid nominalizations沉闷名词短语宜少用: Thank you for your enquiry about our photocopiers. Your response to this questionnaire should be submitted by April 30. make an investigation reach a conclusion 以下样函使用了过多名词短语，使全篇黯然失色。 Dear Mr Clooney We are sorry for the delay in replying to your email of September 8 but needed time to study your inquiry. As a result of our study, we reached the conclusion that our company is not in a position to handle such large sized valves as yours. 更正版 Dear Mr Clooney We are sorry for the delay in replying to your email of September 8 but needed time to do a market study. We have concluded, unfortunately, that our company would not be an effective representative for your valves, since we specialize in the small-valve market. 2.8 使用积极的语言 Which sentence is more effective? The center is closed after four o’clock. --The center is open until four o’clock.
Because you delayed so long in your response, Model A9 is off stock.
--If I had known your needs before May 16, I could have shipped model A9 immediately. However, the spring sale drained our stock. Case Study Dear Mr Samuelson We are very sorry for the delay of our response for your April 4 message. We could not make a decision clearly as Mr Li was out of Taipei until yesterday. Here is our decision: We would like to purchase the following paintings and receive the invoice: “Azure” By Camille US$ 1,100 “Summer Wind” by Camille 1,100 “Silent Lake” by Fabienne 1,175 3,375 Please send us an invoice as soon as you can. As for “The Tree House” by Simpson and “ Midnight” by Tarchi, we already received invoices 213340 and 213375 and will make payment shortly. Please see my February 26 message which explains in detail. Thank you for your constant help and patience. Yours sincerely Revised version： Dear Mr Samuelson I am sorry for the delay in responding to your message of April 4. We could only now make a clear decision on the order as Mr Li returned to Taipei. We have finally decided to buy the following paintings: “Azure” By Camille US$ 1,100 “Summer Wind” by Camille 1,100 “Silent Lake”by Fabienne 1,175 US$ 3,375 Please send us an invoice as soon as you can. As for “The Tree House” by Simpson and “ Midnight” by Tarchi, we already received invoices 213340 and 213375 and will make payment on or about April 15. Please see my February 26
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