Patient: It will hurt, I know.
Dentist: Not at all. Look, I often deal with little children and they never complain; they're always very brave. Now, open wide.
Patient: I don't want an injection.
Dentist: But how else can I take out your tooth? It would hurt even more without an injection, wouldn't it? And the reason we're taking it out is because it's hurting you, isn't it? Once you've had an injection and I've taken out the tooth you won't have any more pain at all. So let's be brave. Open wide.
Patient: Aaaagh.
Dentist: But I haven't touched you yet. What are you shouting for?
Patient: You're going to touch me.
Dentist: Well, of course I am. I can't give you an injection without touching you. As soon as you've had the injection your gum will freeze and you won't feel a thing.
Patient: How do I know what you'll do while I'm
asleep? You might rob me.
Dentist: Now, let's not be silly. You won't go to sleep. We don't do that nowadays. This will just freeze the area around the tooth so that you can't feel any pain while I'm pulling out the tooth. That's all. You won't go to sleep. You can watch everything I do in that mirror above you. Come along now.
Patient: I don't want to watch. I'll faint.
Dentist: Then don't look in the mirror. But there won't be a lot of blood. I promise you.
Patient: Blood! Blood! Why did you have to say that? I can't afford to lose any blood.
Dentist: Now let's not be silly. You can't take out a tooth without losing some blood.
Patient: Blood ...!
Dentist: But it's a tiny amount. You'll make it up in a day.
Patient: A night.
Dentist: All right, in a night, then. But as I said
it's only a small amount of blood ...
Patient: Blood! Blood!
Dentist: ... and it isn't going to kill you.
Patient: Kill! Kill!
Dentist: Oh, don't be silly; of course it won't. You can't die from having a tooth pulled out.
Patient: Die! Die!
Dentist: I shall get cross in a minute.
Patient: Cross! Cross!
Dentist: Now look, I've had just about enough of this. You come in here screaming in pain, saying that you've been in agony all night because you bit on a bone or something, and you ask me to do something to stop the pain but the minute I do try to do something you won't let me. Now, just what exactly am I expected to do? You're a grown man and I'm a very busy lady. I have a lot of patients waiting in the other room and you're taking up my time, which is very expensive. Now, pull yourself together and let's get on with it.
Patient: I can't. Couldn't you just give me some painkillers?
Dentist: Well, I could, but that isn't going to solve the problem. On the other hand, perhaps that's the best thing if you're so nervous about me doing the extraction today. Yes, perhaps that's best. You take some painkillers and let's make an appointment for next week when you're feeling less nervous. Now, which day would you like, Mr. ...? Sorry I didn't catch your name.
Patient: Dracula.
Man: Rose (hic). Rose (hic). Rosemary. Can (hic) can you (hic) help me?
Rosemary: What's the mater? Oh, you've got the hiccups.
Man: I've had them for (hic) three hours (hic, hic).
Rosemary: Oh, there must be something we can do. Now, what are the different remedies for hiccups?
Man: I've tried everything (hic) I can think of.
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