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3. Do you think small talk is more or less important in English than in your language?
Reading Practice
Look at the title of the passage and the words in the box. Choose five words and guess what the writer uses them to say.
argument; compliment; conversation; curious; disagreement; dull; embarrassment; factual; genuine; hospitable; lively; relationship; sensitive; secretive; silence; spy; topic; violate; wealth
Making Friends in the USA
In the USA, conversation is less lively than in many other cultures, where everyone talks at the same time. When someone talks, everyone is expected to listen, no matter how dull the person's speaking may be.
If you're not sure what to talk about, you can ask what people do. We're defined by our jobs and we're usually happy to talk about them, unless you're a spy!
Some people say that Americans talk about their feelings more than Asians, but are more secretive about factual matters. You can safely ask questions about families, where you come from, leisure interests, as well as the latest movies.
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We're interested in people's ethnic background too. But it's best to avoid politics, religion and other sensitive topics.
A highly personal conversation can take place after a very short period of knowing someone, but this doesn't mean that you're close friends, or the relationship is very deep. But a lot of people are very friendly and hospitable, and the famous invitation \do call by and see us!\genuine desire to meet again. But while few Americans will worry about the questions you may ask, particularly if you clearly show you're aware of cultural differences, they may hesitate before they ask you similar questions. In fact, it's a sign that they don't wish to violate your private life. So, many Americans will talk about safe topics because they don't dare to be too curious or personal, but will happily talk about more private matters if you take the lead.
Generally we dislike arguments, and we avoid topics which lead to disagreement. It's easy to return to discussing the weather: \How do you like the weather?\or making compliments: \lovely flowers and what a beautiful vase!\accept compliments graciously and say \
There are a couple of dangerous topics of conversation: age and money. Age is not treated as something very special, unless someone is very old: \
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wonderful for her age!\elderly people. Anyway, Americans always want to look younger than they really are, so don't expect an accurate reply!
Income is a very private matter, and you'd do well to avoid asking how much people earn, although some people may not only be open about it, but show off their wealth. We don't ask how much things cost, either.
But what we don't like is silence, and almost anything is better than the embarrassment of a quiet party and silent guests. Read the advice on small talk. Is it true for you?
1. You can ask about families, what people do and like, etc. 2. It's OK to talk about religion and politics. 3. You shouldn't talk about your feelings. 4. Don't ask personal questions.
5. Make sure you don't talk about the weather or give compliments. 6. You can talk about people's age and their income. 7. Choose the correct answers.
1. When a dull person talks, you should ____.
not ask personal questions ask questions
change the topic of conversation listen
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2. It's always OK to talk to Americans about ____.
age and money their work
religion and politics their private life
3. When Americans make an invitation to visit, ____.
they genuinely want to see you again they don't really mean it
They want to find out more about you you should accept it
4. The best way to talk about personal things is to ____.
discuss the weather
talk about your own private life first talk about your job
ask them how old they are 5. It's best to avoid ____.
spies
personal questions silence dull people
Complete the sentences in your own words.
1. Conversation is less lively in the USA because everyone ____. 2. Americans are happy to talk about family and personal interests, but ____.
3. If you show you're aware of cultural differences, ____. 4. You shouldn't ask how old people are because ____.
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5. Although some people like to show off their wealth, ____.
Cultural Corner
Read the passage and answer the questions.
1. How does the AAA model work?
2. Is the AAA model a good idea while making small talk with someone you don't know in China?
The AAA
It is estimated that 80% of all conversation in English is small talk. A very important function of small talk is to establish a relationship between people who don't know each other very well, or don't know each other at all.
Psychologists say that the most successful formula for small talk between people like this is the AAA model. AAA = answer, add and ask. This is how it works.
Imagine a situation where two strangers are talking to each other after someone they both know has left the room, or the café or party, etc. The first person asks a question: A: Do you live near here?
The second person replies by answering the question, adding some extra information and then asking another question:
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