第三节 图画式作文升格指导
【摸底诊断】
请就以下一幅漫画，结合实际生活，发表你的感想，写一篇150词左右的短文。
【写前思考】
1. 通过画面直接获得的信息是什么？
2. 这幅画的内涵是什么？提出了一个什么问题？问题的原因何在？
3. 可以采取怎样的措施？
[病文展示]
We can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, listen music, and the taps are not closed①. However, on the wall, there is a sign: please save water.
We often see this kind of thing. As the development of our society, people are having better and better life②. But waste water is becoming a serious problem③. Many people don’t know water is rare. A lot of people in the world are lack ④. And also many factories pour dirty water into the river.
I think, we should take measures to save water. Don’t waste water, and don’t pollute the rivers, too⑤. If we don’t save every drop of water, the last drop of water would be our tear. [病文点评]
这篇习作能从整体上把握写作要求，画面要点没遗漏，也能观察出画面的内在含义。写作时一定的条理性，按照图画作文写作的三步骤来写，即： 描述画面、说明原因、采取措施。主要问题在于语言基本功不扎实，语法、词汇用法错误较多，字数也偏少。因此得分在13分左右.
① 句中出现语法、词汇用法错误，listen后面应该to；washing和listening都应用进行时。建议改为 As we can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, and listening to music, with the taps running.
②句中as是连词，而the development of our society 不是句子，改为With the development of our society, people are having better and better life.
③句中动词做主语应该用-ing形式，可以改为But wasting water is becoming a serious problem。
4句中lack用作动词时，句子应为A lot of people in the world lack water. 5句中too 改为 either。 [升格范文]
Here comes a picture: a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running. What shocks us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water. However, the water still keeps running.
This is not an unusual phenomenon. We can see it in our daily life. With the rapid development of our society, people’s life is getting better and better. However, the extravagant life style is becoming a serious problem. Many people don’t realize the lack of water, and some even don't know that in many places of the world, water is rare. What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.
As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. Without water, there would be no life. Don’t make it come true that the last drop of
water is our tear. [范文点评]
1、本文照描述图片、分析现象、提出措施的步骤来写，显得结构严谨、条理清晰。 2、本文的一大亮点是：句式变化多端不单一，高级句式层出，比如：
a boy, who is washing his clothes, listens to the music with two taps running包含非限制性定于从句和with复合结构； What shocks
us is that just on the wall, an obvious sign says: please save water.此句为主语从句；
What’s worse, without considering the pollution of water, some factories pour dirty water into the river, causing the shortage of fresh water.此句中两次出现非谓语结构； As a student, it is time we took useful measures to save our limited fresh water. it is time that 是虚拟语气的高级句式，能准确运用，很好；
Don’t make it come true that the last drop of water is our tear. 此句中it为形式宾语。the last drop of water is our tear为比喻，非常形象，令人感觉触目惊心，更觉得保护水资源的重要。
【应考对策】图画式作文往往所含信息限，学生要充分利用图画前面或后面的说明文字，它们可以帮助你更好地理解画面；然后，根据画面内容描述画面，要点不能遗漏；接着，依据画面所反映的问题分析原因，提出解决问题的方案。当然在写作过程中，要尽量使用一些高级的词汇和变化的句式，并使用一定的连接词，使得行文流畅、优美。
【答后总结】“悟到”才是真正的得到。通过上面的升格训练，你能总结出高分作文的写作技巧吗？请你认真总结。
观察下面的一幅图画，结合你身边的事例，谈谈你对培养孩子成才的看法。
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