错的婚姻变得更好吗？
And they said let's not look at people fight, let's look at how they celebrate together. So this is the question of when your spouse come home from work with a victory, something good happen to her, what do you say to her? Now this is turn out a 2 by 2 table.
研究者决定不去关注人们的争吵，而是看人们如何与彼此欢庆生命。如果你的配偶带着胜利下班回来，一件很好的事发生在她身上了，你会对她说什么？你的回答会属于这个2乘2表格中的一个格。
So you can say something active and destructive. So let's say she's got a raise at work, she's been promoted at work.You can say \ we're gonna have to pay now that you have been promoted\
你可以说些主动的但是毁灭性的话。例如她在工作上得到了晋升，她涨了工资。你可以对她说：“你知道你晋升之后我们会多交多少税吗？”
That doesn't help marridges, it turns out. And this is what I used to do until I read this literature. You can do something passive and constructive which is \dears, you deserve it, well done\ 这显然不会有助于婚姻。但我从前一直这样做，直到我读到
这个主动创建式回应法。你也可能回应一些创建性的但被动的话，比如“祝贺你亲爱的、你值得这一切、做得真棒”，而这对婚姻根本没有效果。
You can say something passive and destructive,\for dinner?\
The only thing that builds marridge is active constructive marridge and it's a long script and now couples are routinely in positive marental therapy told how to do it.
你也可能做出被动的、毁灭性的回应。比如“晚饭吃什么？”，这样回应效果不好。
唯一对婚姻有帮助作用的就是主动创建式回应法。它很长，在婚姻咨询中新结婚的夫妻会被定期教授。
And the way that works is that you begin by saying \reading the report that you wrote for the company and the most recent report you wrote on retirement is the best financial document that I've seen in my 25 years of business.\me, let's relieve the whole events, exactly where were you when your boss told you that you have been promoted. And she told you exactly what did he say, and what charactor of strengths do you think that caused you a raise? And how can you use those strengths more with the children?
最有效的回应是你说“我已经读过你给你公司写的关于退休
的报告了。这是我在商界25年来看到的最好的财物报告。现在，告诉我，略去事件不说，当你的老板通知你得到晋升时，你的感觉是什么样的？”然后你妻子会向你描述她的老板说的话。“那么你觉得是哪些人格力量帮助你得到了晋升呢？你觉得可以如何将它们应用在教育孩子上？” So this is the long script that puts people in touch with their victory they celebrate together and you'll find that the rate of love and commitment goes up when couples learn this techniques.
这段长长的话让人们感到心意相通。他们在共同欢庆胜利。你会发现当夫妻们学会主动创建时回应法后，他们的爱意和承诺都增加了。
So that's one sample from relationships.
For meaning and purpose, this may be more in issue in United States than in China, but I believe, as countries become richer and more individualistic, and become consuming societies, that they turn more and more to the individual persuit of pleasure. 这是良好人际关系的一个案例。对于人生的意义感和目标，美国人可能比中国人面临更多的问题。但是我相信，当一个国家变得越发独立富强，社会变得越来越消费化，社会中的个人也会越来越重视追求享乐。
So I believe this is a important thing that Chinaese culture,
which is extremely rich in meaning and purpose, to belonging and serving something bigger than the self is going to need increasingly as it becomes more wealthy.
中国关于生命意义的文化博大精深。我相信一件很重要的事就是随着中国的强盛，中国文化将不再仅局限于为自身这一个国家服务。
So the question is how do you teach this?
This is something we routinely do with our students.We have them do something fun, something pleasure-seeking and we have them do something altruistic. And then to contracts(追踪) what happens. And what we found is that when our students do something (),kind, to help another person, like tutoring your nephew for 3 hours on the phone in fractions, but the whole day goes better. People listen to you that you (mealower).
问题是我们如何提高生命的意义感呢？
下面这些事我们定期让我们的学生做。我们让他们做些享乐的事，或者做些帮助别人的事。之后追踪他们的状况。我们发现，当我们让学生做些善良、帮助他人的事例如电话指导侄子的学业3小时，然后他们的一整天都很快乐。 And when you do something fun, it just things blow and waves when it's over. And so one of my buisness students said, I'm in
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