Unit 1 Personality
The Misery of Shyness
Shyness is the cause of much unhappiness for a great many people. All kinds of people describe themselves as shy: short, tall, dull, intelligent, young, old, slim, overweight. Shy people are anxious and self-conscious; that is, they are excessively concerned with their own appearance and actions. Worrisome thoughts are constantly swirling in their minds: What kind of impression am I making? Do they like me? Do I sound stupid? I'm ugly. I'm wearing unattractive clothes.
It is obvious that such uncomfortable feelings must affect people adversely. A person's self-concept is reflected in the way he or she behaves, and the way a person behaves affects other people's reactions. In general, the way people think about themselves has a profound effect on all areas of their lives. For instance, people who have a positive sense of self-worth or high self-esteem usually act with confidence. Because they have self-assurance, they do not need constant praise and encouragement from others to feel good about themselves. Self-confident people participate in life enthusiastically and spontaneously. They are not affected by what others think they \self-esteem are not hurt by criticism; they do not regard criticism as a personal attack. Instead, they view a criticism as a suggestion for improvement.
In contrast, shy people, having low self-esteem, are likely to be passive and easily influenced by others. They need reassurance that they are doing \right thing\Shy people are very sensitive to criticism; they feel it confirms their inferiority. They also find it difficult to be pleased by compliments because they believe they are unworthy of praise. A shy person may respond to a compliment with a statement like this one: \saying that to make me feel good. I know it's not true.\It is clear that, while self-awareness is a healthy quality, overdoing it is detrimental, or harmful.
Can shyness be completely eliminated, or at least reduced? Fortunately, people can overcome shyness with determined and patient effort in building self-confidence. Since shyness goes hand in hand with lack of self-esteem, it is important for people to accept their weaknesses as well as their strengths. For example, most people would like to be \students in every subject. It is not fair for them to label themselves as inferior because they have difficulty in some areas. People's expectations of themselves must be realistic. Dwelling on the impossible leads to a sense of inadequacy, and even feelings of envy, or jealousy. We are self-destructive when we envy a student who gets better grades.
If you are shy, here are some specific helpful steps toward building self-confidence and overcoming shyness:
1. Recognize your personal strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both. As self-acceptance grows, shyness naturally diminishes.
2. Set reasonable goals. For example, you may be timid about being with a group of strangers at a party. Don't feel that you must converse with everyone. Concentrate on talking to only one or two people. You will feel more comfortable.
3. Guilt and shame are destructive feelings. Don't waste time and energy on them. Suppose you have hurt someone's feelings. Feeling ashamed accomplishes nothing. Instead, accept the fact that you have made a mistake, and make up your mind to be more sensitive in the future.
4. There are numerous approaches to all issues. Few opinions are completely right or wrong. Don't be afraid to speak up and give your point of view.
5. Do not make negative comments about yourself. This is a form of self-rejection. Avoid describing yourself as stupid, ugly, a failure. Accent the positive.
6. Accept criticism thoughtfully. Do not interpret it as a personal attack. If, for example, a friend complains about your cooking, accept it as a comment on your cooking, not yourself. Be assured that you are still good friends, but perhaps your cooking could improve.
7. Remember that everyone experiences some failures and disappointments. Profit from them as learning experiences. Very often a disappointment becomes a turning point for a wonderful experience to come along. For instance, you may be rejected by the college of your choice. However, at the college you actually attend, you may find a quality of education beyond what you had expected.
8. Do not associate with people who make you feel inadequate. Try to change their attitude or yours, or remove yourself from that relationship. People who hurt you do not have your best interests at heart.
9. Set aside time to relax, enjoy hobbies, and re-evaluate your goals regularly. Time spent this way helps you learn more about yourself.
10. Practice being in social situations. Don't isolate yourself from people. Try making one acquaintance at a time; eventually you will circulate in large groups with skill and self-assurance.
Each one of us is a unique, valuable individual. We are interesting in our own personal ways. The better we understand ourselves, the easier it becomes to live up to our full potential. Let's not allow shyness to block our chances for a rich and fulfilling life.
羞怯的痛苦
对许多人来说，羞怯是很多不愉快的起因。各种各样的人——矮的、高的、愚笨的、聪明的、年轻的、年老的、瘦的、胖的——都说自己是羞怯的。羞怯的人会焦虑不安，感到不自然；也就是说，他们过分地关注自己的外表和举止。脑海中不断盘旋着一些使自己不安的想法：我给人留下的是什么印象？他们喜欢我吗？我讲话是不是傻里傻气？我长得难看。我穿的衣服毫不引人注目。
很显然这种不安的感觉会对人产生不利的影响。一个人的自我看法反映在自己的行为方式之中，而一个人的行为方式又影响他人的反应。通常，人们如何看待自己对他们生活的各个方面都会产生深刻的影响。例如，具有积极的自我价值观或很强自尊心的人往往表现出自信。而由于自信，他们不需要他人不断地称赞和鼓励，也能使自己感觉良好。自信者热情、自发地投入生活。他们不因别人认为他们“该”做什么而受到影响。有很强自尊心的人不会被批评所伤害；他们不会把批评看作是人身攻击。
相反，他们认为批评是一种提醒他们改进的建议。相比之下，羞怯的人自尊心较弱，往往消极被动并且容易受他人影响。他们（是否）在做“该做的事情”需要得到别人的肯定。害羞的人对批评非常敏感；他们觉得批评正好证实了他们比别人差。他们也很难因别人的赞美而高兴，因为他们相信自己不值得称赞。羞怯的人也许会用这样的话来回答别人的赞美之辞：“你这么说只是为了让我感觉好一些。我知道这不是真的。”显然，尽管自我意识是一种健康的品质，过分的自我意识却是不利和有害的。
能否彻底消除或者至少减轻羞怯感呢？幸运的是，人们能够通过坚持不懈的努力建立自信从而克服羞怯。由于胆怯和缺少自尊是密切相关的，因此正视自己的弱点和正视自己的优点一样重要。例如，大多数人希望每门功课都得A。如果仅仅因为在某些领域有困难，就把自己列为差生，这不恰如其分。人们对自己的期望必须现实。老是想那些不可能的事情会令自己觉得无能，甚至产生嫉妒。当我们嫉妒比自己成绩好的学生时，我们正在自我否定。
如果你害羞，这里有些具体有效的步骤帮助你树立信心并克服羞怯感：
1．认清自己的优缺点。每个人既有优点又有缺点。随着对自我的不断认同，羞怯感就会自然减弱。
2．确定合理的目标。例如，在聚会时和一群陌生人在一起，你也许会怯场。不要以为你必须和每个人交谈。集中精力，仅和一两个人交谈，你会感到更自在些。
3．内疚和羞耻感是消极的情感。不要把时间和精力浪费在这上头。假设你伤害了某人的感情，（光）感到羞愧是无济于事的。相反，应该承认你犯了个错误，并决心在将来更加善解人意。
4．所有问题都有许多种解决办法。很少有完全正确或完全错误的意见。要敢于公开表达自己的观点。
5．不要对自己做消极的评论。这是一种自我否定。千万别把自己描述为愚蠢的、丑陋的，或者一个失败者。注重自己积极的方面。
6．接受批评时要缜密思考。不要把批评理解为人身攻击。例如，如果一位朋友抱怨你的烹饪技术，要把这当成对你的烹饪技术而不是对你本人的评价而接受下来。放心，你们还是好朋友，但你的烹饪技术也许确实有待改进。
7．记住，每个人都会经历一些失败和挫折。要把它们作为增长见识的经历，从中受益。挫折往往会成为转机，随之而来的将是一段美妙绝伦的经历。例如，你可能被你所中意的大学拒之门外。然而，在你就读的大学里，你可能发现这里教育的某一特点比你料想的好得多。
8．有些人会使你感到自己无能，不要和这种人交往。去设法改变他们对你的态度或者改变你对自己的态度，要不就脱离这种关系。伤害你的人并不关心你的最大利益。
9．留出时间休息，享受自己的业余爱好，并且定期地重新审定自己的目标。为此所花费的时间有助于更好地了解你自己。
10．多在社交场合中锻炼。不要把自己同他人隔离开来。设法一次结识一位朋友；最终你将能够娴熟而自信地在众人中周旋。我们每个人都是独一无二、难能可贵的个体。
我们自有吸引人的地方。我们对自己了解得越多，就越容易充分发挥自己的潜力。不要让羞怯成为阻碍我们拥有丰富和成功生活的绊脚石。
Two Ways of Looking at Life
Your attitude strongly reflects your outlook on life. Take a closer look at that connection. Are you a pessimist—or an optimist? Can you see how your way of looking actually does color your attitude? And remember: change your outlook and you change your attitude.
The father is looking down into the crib at his sleeping newborn daughter, just home from the hospital. His heart is overflowing with awe and gratitude for the beauty of her, the perfection.
The baby opens her eyes and stares straight up.
The father calls her name, expecting that she will turn her head and look at him. Her eyes don't move. 4 He picks up a furry little toy attached to the rail of the crib and shakes it, ringing the bell it contains. The baby's eyes don't move.
His heart has begun to beat rapidly. He finds his wife in their bedroom and tells her what just happened. \can't hear.\
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